She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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