Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
