Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
