this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
