I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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