Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
