Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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