He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
