i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
