i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
