: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
