hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
