Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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