The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
