i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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