I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
