Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
