if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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