I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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