we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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