i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
