thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
