he told me I talked like a deaf person
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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