Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
