so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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