Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
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