Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
