end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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