great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
