I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
