I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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