You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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