What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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