Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
