so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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