It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
