your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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