i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
