I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
