a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
