She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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