I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
