are you so shy because you have an std?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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