i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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