had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
