once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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