i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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