He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
