Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
