he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
