Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Come on in and take your pants off
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