I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
