I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she smelled like a LAN party
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
