I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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