I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
