We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
