you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I supernannyed him into submission
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
