He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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