why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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