I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I will be naked everywhere
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
