Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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