a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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