who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
