I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
