He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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