I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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