i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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