She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
