his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
