The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
