I think my vagina is haunted
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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