we have pet lesbian snakes
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
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then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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