Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
