you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
